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i think people have a very quirky and somewhat bad habit. (and no, its not picking their noses when sitting in their cars, thinking no one can see them.... although that's bad too btw) its their habit of... looking into things. i don't mean metaphorically mind you, i mean literally looking into things. and its a trait you and i share. and DON'T even begin to shake your head, lift an eyebrow, or deny. just hear me out.
alright, let's just start with the most basic of this lil habit. you're in the toilet now. and you've just finished takin a crap. what dya do? i dare bet at least ONCE you have stood up, and looked into the toilet. measuring up your crap is what you do. check for texture, lumps, solidity.. and hey look! there's that corn from earlier! people, people... what are you expecting to find? its crap, end of story. there's not gonna be any accidental art or a cool friend inside. just wipe up, flush it, and good riddance. moving on...
and when you go out, you're walking around minding your business right? wrong! you're looking into EVERY shop and booth you see. its as if you think you might see something newsworthy y'know. even when you're in a rush, somehow someway, you find that time to take a quick glance into a shop on the way. i mean seriously, what're you expecting to find? aliens? its a BAKERY for god's sake. move on!
don't let me get started on parents. they can't just walk on and just head into their room and lock their doors and stay inside? somehow they just have this itch to poke their heads into the kids' room. i mean what? you really think your kids will be readin porno or something without lockin their doors? and don't start with the "hey sport! watcha doin thing" cuz its certainly something you're not gonna be interested in. you don't see us poking our heads into your rooms and going "hey mom and dad, watcha up to?" cuz seriously, most of us don't care what you get up to in your rooms. and we shudder when we think even further.
add these examples up with the fact that people can't walk away from a hole or a gap or a dark spot without trying to take a look inside, well, my theory works out. x)
so people, let's all thank the lord for not makin us cats, cuz we all be dead as hell if we were.

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I confess, I messed up
dropping "I'm sorrys" like you're still around
And I know you dressed up
said "hey kid you'll never live this down"

And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause a long shot,
don't even take this bet

You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

I'm just always on
You said you'd keep me honest(you're always on)
But I won't call you on it
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

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i am 4 people. i am Mr Yes, Mr Maybe, Mr What-if and Mr No. Yep, all at the same time. and almost always with the more important decisions i have to make.

"you know what, YES i am going to do it. i mean, totally."
"for all i know, MAYBE i will breeze through it and its done and done"
"but... WHAT-IF it falls through.. i mean there's always that chance isn't it"
"well, i guess its a NO then. a li'l pointless ain't it"

well, there you are, i am 4 people. 4, really useless, pointless and kinda stupid people. all hail the "superior" brains of man. the ability to make choices. pfft.

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In everyone's head, i believe there's always an illusion. a vision, or a scene of tranquility. For me, its in a cozy log house, with fogged up glass windows from the cold. a light drizzle outside.. a hot fire hearth inside. the smell of coffee brewing filling the air. soft background music that won't overshadow the lil pitter-patters of mother nature.. and a li'l more.
it was dubbed "the x'mas inn" haha.

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i looked at how my blog is, the theme, the purpose and the general understanding of it. its a solace for solemn thoughts and undesirable emotions. to put even something happy or nice in it is just pretty much unthinkable. every entry is untitled, unnamed, unidentified. its the content which brings the volumes of cacophony. not melodious words but plain unpleasant, undignified noise.
the blog itself is unidentified, no names, no destination, no beginning and no closure. its a perversion of sorts. a lust for the darker and emotionally wrought side of me. who am i, is a good question. but the right question, is what am i. cuz i am not a "who", i am merely a shadow. the rest of this entry, well, to do justice to this blog, if bother to, you can read it. its not well-hidden at all. i wear many masks dutifully. this blog doesn't need that big of a mask.
so...

its really, strange. to meet people that can change
your outlook on life. makes you sorta just wanna be a lil different. makes you feel


different. perspectives can
change apparently. i guess i lost
touch with that feeling. when it
comes right down to it,

the most important thing
right now, for me.. is to seek...

[an enraptured realism; depicting iNtoxicating angels]

singing a song.
a song of peace we all seek..
but very few of us ever


find.

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i'm not sure what's on my mind right now. lately i've gone into a state of inexistence. its like as if i let things just wash over me. right through. had a few real moments though. i wonder if its alright to feel this way.
my mind's filled with so much random lyrics today. it feels like its gnna burst soon. none of em complete though. its like a lil fraction of every lil thing. i guess its just like how the ongoings around a person always leaves an impression no matter how insignificant it might seem. truth is, they always have more meaning than what is first digested and assumed.
sometimes, its better to be an outsider to yourself. you'd learn, see and understand better. however, when people do that.. we end up losing ourselves. its not good to lose yourself, when at the end of the day, self love and understanding is the very thing to maintain this broken sanity we all endure.

you're beautiful beyond what i can describe. it just ain't right..

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i think bike accidents make you think more about life.
damn.