untitled

i've been having a recurrent dream of this same girl and the thing is she is so damn hot. might've seen her somewhere on tv or something i suppose but still. i think dreams have a funny way of messing you up.
in my dreams, she's workin in the same office. and i think that's from my self-acknowledged opinion that office wear is the hottest clothes a girl can be in. i'm just gonna list down stuff i like bout her. first off, she has really good taste in underwear and i've leave the details of how i know that outta this. she has the mildest flirt techniques and it honestly borders cheesy so much that i find her so astoundingly cute when she even tries. she uses blue lipstick (go figure) and has the brightest, hazel eyes which catches you by surprise everytime it lights up. her laughter is tinkling and pleasant through and through. she's about 160 in height, but has the hottest body ever. her legs, well it'll kill you. she wears a simple pair of spectacles that hides nothing of her lovely features. she's fair and she smells so.. damn... good. she has a set of smallish, pearly whites. she ties her brown hair (dyed) up in a pony tail but still manages to look like a million bucks.
the last thing i did before i unfortunately woke up, was walk up to her in the office, pull her close and whisper: i am gonna woo you.
and to that, her eyes lighted up and her smile stopped my arbitrary heart beat.
if i meet her in real life, i think i'd probably do the same again, cuz perfection is only the stuff of dreams. and there she is.

untitled

fools like me aren't meant to play the game of love. because letting go is too hard.
i lost my ring today. its a ring that has lost its meaning months ago. maybe even before that. i was pretty sure i wore it out of habit, cuz without it my finger feels.. well it feels naked. i'm not too sure anymore; there was this sense of loss in me not unlike the one i felt that day she left me. the feeling was diminished, but it definitely was there. its the same damned feeling.
when will it stop haunting me?
i don't think i love you anymore. i don't feel that i love you anymore. i know that i can't love you anymore. so why can't i forget you?
i finally sewn myself up together. i finally found a place i could go without you. i finally moved on. so why does it feel like i left a part of me behind?
i will not hurt anymore.
not for you. i'm sorry.

untitled

highlight the text below... at your own peril. i guess.

i guess its been really sometime since i seriously considered blogging. problem is, i never want anyone, anywhere near my psyche. frankly, i would make such a perfect story book character; i cry too much for a dude, i'm emotional, i fall in love harder than anyone i know, and i would feel perfectly at ease in beautiful yet somewhat cliched venues such as heavy crystal rains on a hill, or star gazing from a quiet, breezy meadow.
and most of all, i'm a fool; because i dream too much. despite what i show myself as, i'm just a dreamer. nothing practical in my head at all. i'm a fool for love. i'm a fool for romance, and i.... somehow find i end up getting hurt alot.
everytime i'm in love, it always begins as an exciting and yet excruciating experience. the exciting part begins with that whole sense of anticipation, this strange longing and hope. this unstoppable force drives me into doing things i'll never do. thinking things i'll never think and seeing things as i should never see them. but a part of me really fears it all. i'm afraid of rejection, afraid that i looked too far, expected too much, and will end up waiting for nothing. i know for a fact, that when i fall in love, well.. i fall damned hard. i really try not to, but it happens. and now i can't stop it anymore. i find myself gasping for more: your smooth skin; your soft, tender lips and the loose yet snug grasps of your hands. and the thought that i might never ever have that.. really aches through heart quite a whole lot.
i asked and asked myself, what's bothering me so damn badly: i can't sleep properly, i can't eat at all, and i'm unfocussed. i found out, its because for once, for once in a long long time, i really needed and wanted to be honest with myself. because i needed to be brutal to myself. the fact is, even if it never works out, even if you never see it the way i do... i don't want to ever regret, never telling you just how much you meant to me. cause you do... so damn much. more than you'll ever realise, more than i dare to admit.
please don't judge me for this. because i needed to get it all out, or i'll never sleep well again. you can run away, i would never fault you in any way. i'll say this though, if i had a chance, i'll bring you so close to the edge of my heart you'd feel like you're gonna fall off. but you will never; because i'll always be holding on to you, and never ever letting you go.
at the end of the day, i just wanted to be loved. again.

untitled

she brought me this much closer to an heart attack.

untitled

i didnt find any solace in sleep. an unexplainable uneasiness crept through me and robbed me of any sleep i hoped i could get. images i don't understand and am not familiar with.
the second day of january passed exactly as how i expected it to. slow. i wonder if i had willed it to happen. i was so painfully aware of every minute and every second that was passing. as if my heartbeat and very conscious was one with that clock hanging in the office. watching as the second hand ticked, imagining that the minute hand is moving. i was so conscious of every movement that each second lasted, as if frantically grasping its little and only moment.
the conversations around felt like dim buzzing. insignificant and somewhat frustrating. this is the start of the year, and it reflects to me, just how distant the end of the year is.
i need a miracle.

untitled

i think people have a very quirky and somewhat bad habit. (and no, its not picking their noses when sitting in their cars, thinking no one can see them.... although that's bad too btw) its their habit of... looking into things. i don't mean metaphorically mind you, i mean literally looking into things. and its a trait you and i share. and DON'T even begin to shake your head, lift an eyebrow, or deny. just hear me out.
alright, let's just start with the most basic of this lil habit. you're in the toilet now. and you've just finished takin a crap. what dya do? i dare bet at least ONCE you have stood up, and looked into the toilet. measuring up your crap is what you do. check for texture, lumps, solidity.. and hey look! there's that corn from earlier! people, people... what are you expecting to find? its crap, end of story. there's not gonna be any accidental art or a cool friend inside. just wipe up, flush it, and good riddance. moving on...
and when you go out, you're walking around minding your business right? wrong! you're looking into EVERY shop and booth you see. its as if you think you might see something newsworthy y'know. even when you're in a rush, somehow someway, you find that time to take a quick glance into a shop on the way. i mean seriously, what're you expecting to find? aliens? its a BAKERY for god's sake. move on!
don't let me get started on parents. they can't just walk on and just head into their room and lock their doors and stay inside? somehow they just have this itch to poke their heads into the kids' room. i mean what? you really think your kids will be readin porno or something without lockin their doors? and don't start with the "hey sport! watcha doin thing" cuz its certainly something you're not gonna be interested in. you don't see us poking our heads into your rooms and going "hey mom and dad, watcha up to?" cuz seriously, most of us don't care what you get up to in your rooms. and we shudder when we think even further.
add these examples up with the fact that people can't walk away from a hole or a gap or a dark spot without trying to take a look inside, well, my theory works out. x)
so people, let's all thank the lord for not makin us cats, cuz we all be dead as hell if we were.

untitled

I confess, I messed up
dropping "I'm sorrys" like you're still around
And I know you dressed up
said "hey kid you'll never live this down"

And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause a long shot,
don't even take this bet

You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights
Get all the sighs and the moans just right

I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

I'm just always on
You said you'd keep me honest(you're always on)
But I won't call you on it
I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

untitled

i am 4 people. i am Mr Yes, Mr Maybe, Mr What-if and Mr No. Yep, all at the same time. and almost always with the more important decisions i have to make.

"you know what, YES i am going to do it. i mean, totally."
"for all i know, MAYBE i will breeze through it and its done and done"
"but... WHAT-IF it falls through.. i mean there's always that chance isn't it"
"well, i guess its a NO then. a li'l pointless ain't it"

well, there you are, i am 4 people. 4, really useless, pointless and kinda stupid people. all hail the "superior" brains of man. the ability to make choices. pfft.